Age, and the Passage of Time

(on my age in years) I have always been one of those people who looked younger than my years. Even growing up, I was always proud of that and knew it would benefit me some day. In college, people thought I was in high school. In my working years, people assumed I was still in school. When I would go out, I would *always* get carded, sometimes multiple times in one place. Oftentimes, I would go out of my way to buy liquor in cartoon tees and pigtails. As my license was often bent from abuse, this caused much concern for many a bouncer/cashier who was certain it looked that way because it was a fake. For some reason, that doubt always served to amuse me and make me feel good about my years. However, as I near my thirties, I cannot remember the last time I was carded. And this strikes fear in my heart! Do I really look my age? When did that happen? Could I be taking better care of myself? But then I realize, aging is inevitable and you really are only as old as you feel.

(on my physical age) Now let's disregard the fact that I physically feel older than I am. Bad joints and bad knees run in the family, and for years I have been feeling my youth slip away as it gets harder to run and jump around. Though that is, to me, the worst part of getting older, let's just ignore that symptom.

(on my mental age) Because mentally, I still feel vibrant and young! This is not to say I am immature; I do not think I am. I have a work ethic I'm proud of that has helped me land a great job with a great salary. I am good with money - I pay all my bills on time, avoid debt whenever possible, and shop carefully and frugally! Everything about my life is very much that of a woman approaching her thirties.

But when it's me-time, when I'm around my friends doing what I love, everything about me is all girl, no grown-up! I still delight in the same things that I've always delighted in - I love scootering and coloring and playing on playgrounds and singing and dancing and just hanging out with friends. I am still thrilled by the sound of ice cream trucks and a funny joke. I still maintain my childhood obsession with Pooh Bear & Piglet, and I still think retro cartoons on tees and blankets are adorable. And don't even get me started on food - though my husband had introduced me to all kinds of exotic foods and vegetables, many of which I like, I feel no shame in admitting that sometimes all I really want is a bowl of creamy mac & cheese with a side of chicken fingers! I don't think comfort food ever goes out of style, and sometimes you just have to indulge.

Though I don't see any harm in my "vices," I confess I do feel judged from time to time about them. My house is not a shrine to my childhood, I don't carry around a pacifier, and I can certainly navigate my way around a menu at a five-star restaurant. I do not see the harm in unwinding with a grilled cheese and a coloring book after a rough day at work. Happily, my husband agrees and finds these quirks endearing rather than off-putting, but at times I cannot help but doubt my tendencies...Do I need to learn to smother these likes? Do I need to project a more grown-up image? But to what end? Life is about the journey, and I don't see the point in living life with the focus always on the future, rather than the here-and-now.

I still allow myself to savor the simplest pleasures - the first spring day the grass is warm enough to run around in barefoot, the sweet surprise of a spontaneous run to Dairy Queen, the first heavy snow of the season and violating the clean white slate with snow angels and snowmen, the thrill of running around a corn maze on a brisk fall day, a really good game of Uno. I firmly believe those are moments that should be recognized and enjoyed, regardless of age. My father has often said my most special gift is being able to laugh, and to stop and smell the roses while others forge blindly ahead. And I hope he's right. As I head into my thirties next year, my hope for myself is that I never lose my simple abandon, that I continue to savor every moment along this journey and create many memories of a life well-lived.