Best Friends

There is something about being this age, being out of school, that seems to negatively impact one's ability to meet new people, make new friends, build lasting relationships. Growing up in a military environment means you have a lot of friends, ever-changing as they may be. And the relationships you form there grow deeper roots than normal ones because, separated from your real family, these friends become your family. They sit around your dinner table for every important holiday and occasion. They go on every trip with you. They hold you while you cry when your dad goes away for months or years at a time. These relationships will never end and cannot be replaced.

However, all those friends have scattered with the changing winds of life. Though they are ever-present in my mind and would surely pick up the phone at 2 am if I needed them, they are not here. With me. Involved in my day-to-day life. I want someone I can call at 5 pm after a rough day and meet up for drinks by 5:15. I want someone I can call when my house troubles get to be too much, and I need to vent. I want someone I can trade dating and marriage stories with. I want someone that will stick with me through thick and thin, when my quirks get annoying and when we can't remember the time before we had each other. I want someone who will tell me when I'm being stupid or overreacting or have had one too many drinks. I want someone who expects to hang out on a regular basis, and is always up for anything. I want someone I can call when my husband is working late and the noises are scaring me. Maybe no one has that at this age, or maybe you need to have kids so you can form "I know where you're at" bonds over that. But I don't think that's true. I think people do have these kinds of relationships in their 20's and 30's, but how? Where do you meet these new friends? And at this age, when making a new friend is somewhat akin to dating someone, how do you simultaneously play it cool while wanting to send them a note that says "Will you be my best friend? Check yes or no."

Don't get me wrong, I do know I have a best friend in my husband. He is the first person I call with good or bad news. He is the person I will always go to to say "Am I crazy or...?" In front of God and our family, we vowed to always be there for each other and thus we will. But I've come to realize I am one of those people who gets off on maintaining friendships. Being around people, thinking about people, planning parties for people, listening to people, chatting with people, having long serious talks with people, that is what I live for. That is what makes me happy, and I feel the most productive, the most fulfilled, when I can say "I nurtured a relationship today." I can't rely on my husband to be everything to me, and I need a variety of people in my life who can be my support system and I theirs.

I read in an therapist's article recently this gem: "When a wife says to me, 'My husband is my best friend,' I hear 'I have no best friend.'" How those words ring true for me!! And at the end of the day, my husband is not a girl, does not have a female brain. He does not enjoy shopping for new clothes, endlessly dissecting personal encounters and what the subtext might be, raving over the joys and trials of being married, going to see the latest chick flick on the big screen because you want to support Actress X's career, chatting via web or phone for hours about nothing of importance.

At the end of the day, my mood is mostly measured by my level of human interaction and lately my mood and that gauge have been low. But I have no idea how to fix it. And again that age old question rears its ugly head - where do you meet good people? Out clubbing? At a bar? At work? At volunteer organizations? At church? I have tried all those, and always encounter people that are great to talk to and seem like great candidates, but it is nigh impossible to get past that "we're acquaintances" stage and into that "our lives are forever intertwined" stage.

If anyone is reading this and has a best friend, I am open to tips. Or if someone is reading this and needs a best friend, even better!! :)