The Big 3-0!

As anyone who knows me knows, I am pretty petrified of this looming milestone birthday. (Full disclosure: I was pretty nervous about turning 25 as well as I was convinced it was all downhill from there.) As I enter the last week of my 20’s, I find myself trying to put this fear into words. If age is only a number, and if you are only as old as you feel, then why do those two numbers put together throw me for such a loop? And I think I figured it out…

My issue stems from societal pressures and expectations. See, I am young at heart. Very much so. Sure, I have a relatively solid career and a beautiful house with a mortgage and a husband of nearly 4 years, so I am definitely a mature and responsible member of society. I pay bills, I work hard, I keep my house and life organized and uncluttered. But at the core of my being is a young girl who still delights in all the things that made her happy twenty years ago. And though I will argue vehemently that there is nothing wrong with that, I am still plagued by doubts and insecurities that something might be wrong with me.

But here are my arguments regardless. There are things that are just fun in life, that hearken back to days where the biggest concern in your life was finding the best possible hiding spot in hide-and-seek. Things like an ice cream truck’s tinny melody – what kind of person can hear that bell and not smile a tiny smile thinking of the days where you’d beg your parents for a couple quarters, then revel in the sticky sweetness of a melting popsicle on a sweltering summer day? Or finding a really good playground with new swings or a really high slide or the little zipline pull. I dare any of my readers to go swing for 5 minutes and see if you aren’t immediately cheered up. Or fun toys that we are “too old” to play with, like razor scooters and pogo sticks and trampolines. Or the pure simple elation of going barefoot for the first time each year, the soft grass squishing between your toes, with (ideally) an ice cream cone in hand as well. Or the delight in cannonballing into a refreshing pool on a sunny day. Or the chocolately goodness of a patiently-crafted s’more. Or the excitement leading up to a relaxing vacation, finding all your best outfits and swimsuits, and eagerly packing activities for a plane ride. Or the joy in roadtrips, stopping at all the worst fast food places and talking over anything and everything that comes to mind with your passenger. Or the pride when you get a good review at work, bringing you back to the days when you couldn’t wait to show off a really good report card to your mom and dad. Or the joyfulness found in painting your nails bizarre and bold colors, perhaps even not painting them all the same bizarre color – what girl among us can look down at rainbow-colored toenails and not feel a little silly and a lot happy? Or the thrill of waddling out into a huge blizzard, bundled in your warmest clothes, and throwing snowballs or making snow angels or sledding down a giant hill. Or the memories that come flooding back on Halloween, when tiny children race up your stairs in their elaborate costumes and beg for candy. Or the fun in seeing a birthday cake with your name on it, making a wish you know won’t come true, and blowing the candles out anyway. Or the pleasure in playing the tunnel game, holding your breath when your car enters a tunnel, and successfully not breathing again until you have reached the tunnel’s end. Or the hilarity in a really good, intense, belly-rocking tickle fight.

These are all things I enjoy immensely, and they make me happy every single time. A really good movie or a really good dessert light up my day, and remind me that life is fleeting and simple and should be enjoyed every minute of every day. As time races by faster and faster, I am always striving to slow down and not get caught up in a bad day or bad circumstance. Everything passes, everything, the good and the bad. But there are so many tiny good things in life, so many simple pleasures, so many ways to “stop and smell the roses.” You can call me simple or immature or small-minded, but why not reach out and experience these little joys, however ridiculous. Sure, you’re probably going to be the only grown-up standing at the ice cream truck’s window, but who cares? When you’re licking your goofy panda face or rainbow rocket and enjoying the sun in your face, what are the other grown-ups doing? Probably stealing a lick from their kids’ treat and wishing they had their own! There is nothing wrong with deriving pleasure from small trivial things.

So, in my goofy excitement about life’s small joys, I sometimes feel judged when around other people. As a 29 year old girl who still likes the ice cream truck, I feel it will only get harder as I age. I feel like being in your 20’s still gives you some leeway, some slack for maybe not being fully matured. But in your 30’s, I feel the pressure to be a grown-up with grown-up tastes, like climbing the corporate ladder or childbirth and babies. Maybe it won’t be any different when I’m 30, but it’s the 30’s as a whole that seem so looming, so depressing. After that comes your 40’s and 50’s, and I don’t know, I’m just not done being a kid yet!

So, we’ll see how I do adjusting to being a 30-year-old. I hear it’s not too bad from all my friends, but I don’t know, I remain dubious! :)

Update: I wrote this blog before my actual birthday, and between writing it and posting it, I ran across something that actually supports my viewpoint. I was waiting in line at the grocery store over the weekend, reading magazine covers, and Cosmo boasted this headline: "50 Things You Never Should Have Stopped Doing." Curiosity overtook me, and I flipped to the article, and grinned a goofy grin. I don't remember all the points now, but they were along the same lines as my post above, things like "wear a party hat all night during a birthday party" and "have sleepovers and lip sync to your old favorites." I know it's just Cosmo, but I was glad to see someone else, anyone else, supporting my "there's nothing wrong with indulging in nostalgia and utter goofiness every so often" viewpoint. :)