Friday, February 27, 2009

Playing Grownup

Well, kittens! Now I've gotten myself in a bigger mess! Last week, I interviewed at my old job. I had thought it was the best and fastest way out of my current situation and could only hope they'd take me back. Well, I liked the new controller and it went pretty well overall. However, I knew I was prepared to go back to work with the same old problem people. And I thought I was over how they treated me...well, not entirely but it sounded better than staying here. But talking to him, hearing him say he'd heard rumors of a personality conflict (the exact misconception that made me leave!) just still really stung. Over the weekend, I thought a lot about it and decided I didn't need to go back and it was not the best thing for my career. I still hadn't heard from them this week, so I was hoping they decided they didn't want me so I wouldn't have to tell them I'd changed my mind after I asked to come back. Anyway, the controller called yesterday and offered me the job. There was an awkward pause, and I think he was waiting for me to thank him profusely and say I'd take it and I wouldn't blame him. However, I'm not so sure. If I turn down the offer I asked for, that's it; there's no going back ever again. And that's tough to live with.
Ultimately, my current boss loves me and can't wait for me to get more things under my belt so he can promote me. I'm making $7K more here, and if I have to grin-and-bear-it somewhere, shouldn't I pick the place that's paying me more? I do hate it here because there is no one to learn from and my boss isn't a very good leader, but I have leverage here so maybe I should just speak up and see what he can do for me. I would have thought previously that my former company loved me more and had bigger plans for me since they constantly told me that and that would be a huge selling point if I still believed it. However, I cannot reconcile those words with their actions recently and I think it's time for me to choose.
Either way, there will be obstacles that keep me from loving my job like I'm used to. In this company, I'm top-dog and know I will get promoted soon and often. But I hate my duties and the office politics. And it's going to get so much worse, I don't even think I can comprehend what's going to happen with these upcoming changes here. In the other job, I've already proven I can do it well but there is no where really to go since nobody ever leaves, especially not senior management. In this economy though, my former company is still booming at record rates whereas this new company could conceivably fold if the economy continues this path for too long.
Bottom line, I'm not finding any Option C's in this economy and Option A and Option B are basically tied for pros and cons. As much as I swore I'd never do it, I think I might stay with the money simply because my boss likes me enough to promote me with or without the necessary skills. No, I'm not really ok with that so I'm pretty sure either way, I'm enrolling back in school to start working towards some kind of accounting education. But that's what's on my plate now. Each choice has serious consequences...if I turn down my former job, that can never be a backup plan again. If I stay here and it gets as bad as I think it might, I will have to quit even if I haven't found another job yet. This sucks.

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